Dealing With Drama

Just about everyone has at least one difficult relationship in their life. As Scooter would tell you siblings can be especially challenging at times.

All of us encounter situations that test our patience and ignite our emotions. The book of James offers us profound wisdom in chapter 1, verses 19-20: "My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires." These words cut straight to the heart of how our anger can derail both our spiritual journey and our personal well-being.

James makes a direct connection between our anger and our righteousness before God. When we allow anger to take root in our hearts, it creates a spiritual barrier. Ephesians 4:26-27 further warns us, "Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold." Unchecked anger grows.  It becomes resentment and unforgiveness, and these emotions don't just damage our relationships, they also corrupt our spiritual health from within. They distract us from God's presence.  The righteous life God desires for us cannot coexist with unresolved anger.

James offers us a practical three-step approach to guard against destructive anger.  We should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. Think about your closest relationships-- with your spouse, children, friends, or colleagues. How might these relationships transform if you truly practiced this wisdom? 

When conflicts arise, our natural instinct is often to defend, explain, or counter-attack. But James calls us to a higher standard-- to listen first and fully. This simple act demonstrates value and respect. Then, we're called to be thoughtful before speaking, weighing our words carefully. Finally, we're instructed to be slow to anger.  Note it doesn't say we're not ever to be angry, but we shouldn't allow ourselves to lose our tempers at the drop of a hat.  This means creating space between provocations and our responses. In that space, we invite the Holy Spirit to guide our reactions. As Proverbs 15:1 reminds us, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."

As a pastor, I can tell you that a lot of what people bring to me has to do with anger.  It has to do with unforgiveness and resentment.  It has to do with regret over words spoken in haste.  I preach on these topics often, because people struggle with these issues in their relationships every day.  

We all have difficult and broken relationships in our lives, and not all of those relationships are repairable. I have relationships in my life that I struggle with, and a few I think unlikely will ever improve.  But I encourage you to examine your heart. Find those places where anger has been eroding your peace and damaging your well-being.  Bring those situations before God and pray about them.  

Maybe pray something like this:  Lord, I confess that I've allowed anger to damage both my relationship with You and with those You've placed in my life. Forgive me for the harsh words spoken and the resentment harbored. Help me to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. Fill me with Your peace that passes understanding, and restore what anger has broken. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen. 

Never give up on difficult relationships.  Pray for your side of the conflict, and pray for theirs.  You wouldn't believe some of the things I've seen happen in relationships people believed were damaged beyond repair.  

~Pastor Todd Creason