When Being Right Goes Wrong

We all know somebody that just can’t ever be wrong.  They pick their position, and there isn’t anything on this earth that is going to change their opinion.  You can present them with incontrovertible facts, and present it in a flawlessly logical manner, and you’re still going to be wrong.    I call them 'right fighters' and I have a great deal of experience with people like this.  Anything you say they don’t agree with means you are automatically wrong, because they are never wrong.  And because they are never wrong, they never apologize for anything.  And getting upset with them is a useless exercise because it just means you’re going to be mad, and they’re still going to think they’re right.

The Bible gives us some wisdom for dealing with these situations in Romans 12:18, where Paul writes, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” Notice Paul doesn't say, “If possible, make sure everyone knows you're right.” Or, “If possible, win every argument.” He says to live peaceably so far as it depends on you.

You saw that last part, didn’t you?   The part that said, “so far as it depends on you.”  That’s important.  Paul understood that sometimes peace isn't possible. Sometimes, the other person is committed to conflict. But our responsibility isn't their response.  Our responsibility is all about our actions.  We must pick our battles.  Sometimes we must dig in and push back, but most of the debates we find ourselves in aren’t worth going to war over. 

So how do we handle the 'right fighters' in our lives?

First, remember that being right isn't always necessary.  The truth has a stubborn way of becoming obvious.  One of two things will eventually happen with a “right fighter”—they’ll either come to realize they’re wrong at some point (although they’ll never admit it), or everybody else will clearly see they’re wrong and it won’t matter what reality they cling to. 

Second, ask yourself: 'What's my goal here?' If your goal is maintaining a relationship, then sometimes you need to let the little things go. My Grandpa Mac used to say, “Is it more important to be right, or to be happy?”  There's profound truth there. Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is smile, nod, and change the subject. 

And third, remember that forgiveness isn't about the other person deserving it—it's about you not wanting to carry the burden anymore. Forgiving the 'right fighter' frees you from the exhausting cycle of trying to convince someone who doesn't want to be convinced.

Next time you're dealing with someone who needs to be right more than they need peace, remember the wisdom in Romans 12:18.

Do what depends on you. Choose peace where possible. And remember that forgiveness isn't saying they're right--it's just saying that sometimes peace matters a lot more than being proven right. 

~Pastor Todd Creason